Dating a German
Expat Life in Germany,  Lifestyle

A Dummy’s Guide to Dating a German: German Dating Culture Demystified

Last updated on January 9th, 2023 at 06:07 pm

Here is a tongue in the cheek guide to dating a German (and keeping your sanity intact during the relationship). Brace yourself for a silly generalised post about how to date a German, typical quirks of German SOs and German dating rules. 



This website is generally reserved for complicated expat stuff like German taxes, insurances, freelancing in Germany etc.

But since it is Germany we are talking about we can safely file Love & Relationships under that label too.

I have been long out of the playing field so dating is not exactly my expertise anymore. But hey, I have been in a relationship with a German human male for a good few years. In fact, we recently got engaged married. And yet, we never stop experiencing the subtle cultural differences in our day to day life. It got me thinking about my past and current relationships — with German or non-German men.

Now that Valentine’s day is just around the corner, it seemed like a perfect time to publish this cheeky little dummies guide for dating a German. 😉

Maybe you are single in Germany and curious about dating a local? Or perhaps you just spotted a German out in the wild. Now you are wondering about your next best move? Don’t stay clueless, my dear foreigner! 


So gather around kids, grab a Weizen and let me guide you on how to approach, woo and date a German. <3 


date a german
Step 1: Be attractive. Step 2: Don’t be unattractive.


Disclaimer: The following post contains obscene amounts of national stereotyping. 😉


1. They Are Not In-Your-Face Flirts


One of the first things you will notice about the Germans is that they are not the most obvious flirts. Definitely not like their British, Italian or French counterparts for whom flirting is basically a national pastime.

You could look like a total knockout, but Germans may not even turn their heads. But don’t fret! It’s not because they don’t find you hot. It’s just how the local flirting etiquettes are – too subtle for us foreigners to detect.



You see, the bold pick-up culture like in North America or Britain does not really exist in Germany. Just like friendships, romantic relationships are formed over time, through personal contacts (or a Verein). 

This is not to say that Germans never-ever go out with a complete stranger. It happens all the time. Just don’t expect them to approach or shower you with attention. Or throw some cheesy pick up line at you. 

But don’t lose hope, my dear foreigner! Time is your friend. Give them some time (and a few beers). They will soon come out of their Jack wolfskin shell and do what many Germans do best —

Talk directly and to the point.



So some good old beer courage helped and you chatted up your German. They gave you their phone number/ Facebook/ Snapchat.

Yay! Foot in the door. Now comes the next phase. 


Related: Everything wrong with German online dating sites explained 


2. They Will Walk The Talk


Germans just don’t say shit just for the sake of it.

If someone is nice and friendly to you, it probably means that they are just…friendly. If they aren’t interested in you, they won’t fake it either.

There’s also none of that “we must meet for drinks next week” and then nada.

If your German said they’ll call you at this date or time — they will. Maybe they will call to tell you that they can’t wait to meet you next Thursday. Or to let you know that they are not interested any more (now that their beer goggles have worn off).

But they WILL call. 



But if you suggested to them that you want to meet next week, you ARE expected to do your part. If you said that you will call them, don’t flake out. Not following through on your own words is considered very insincere. They will not take you seriously. 

So pick the phone and make that call. They are expecting it.


Alright, you two had a great phone conversation. The first date with your German has been set. 

What now?



3. You Will Never be Late For a Date Again


Dating a German requires a whole new appreciation of this timey wimey wibbly wobbly stuff. When they say hey, let’s meet at 4 pm, they will be there at 3.55 pm. 

What the hell is 4ish or 12:30ish?! That does not exist in German culture. Don’t ever mistake turning up late (or making someone wait for you) as a power move. Because it won’t be. Your German date will see that as a sign of your incompetence and inability to organise your time. 

Very very unsexy!

Remember, Germans find it very hot when someone is respectful of their time and punctual to a T.

Dating a German: Summed up in one gif

So don’t make them wait for you at the cafe and give a heads up if you are running late. 


Now it’s time to prep you for German face to face dating rituals.



4. Don’t Go Too Big on Small Acts of Chivalry


Remember what I said about ‘walk the talk’ above? Gender equality isn’t just a new political fad, they actually practice it. Germans, like most Europeans, are truly conditioned to gender equality right from their childhood. Maybe a bit too conditioned for some cultures. 

Ladies, this one is for you. Most German men won’t hold the doors or pull the seat out for you. They also won’t pay for your meal/ drinks for that matter. Germans are all about going “Dutch” on a date.

And that’s okay. It is not ‘ungentlemanly‘. German guys are not cheap. 



They just respect you as a fellow grown-up adult. Germans have complete trust in your ability to open your own doors, get seated properly and pay for yourself. 

Gents, German ladies expect to be treated as equal in relationships (this applies to ALL ladies, BTW!). In fact, a lot of them may find it amusing if a man does these trivial chivalric gestures for them. So guys (or gals), when you date a German woman, then tone down on the gallantry a bit. It will be lost on them anyway.


Among other things…


 Related: Intercultural Dating in Germany Explained


5. Humour Will be Lost on Them as Well


If you want a funny one, get a Brit. There, I said it. 😉 

When you date a German, you start noticing a pattern. 

They take your jokes a wee bit too literally. The banter between the two of you doesn’t flow easily. Your self-deprecating humour leaves them increasingly concerned about the state of your mental health. 

You see, humour does not come naturally to Germans. Or maybe we foreigners do not get it. Whatever the case might be…

As the saying goes, the German sense of humour is no laughing matter. I mean, think from their perspective. Can you even apply humour to a new automobile technology or make a logistical process more efficient with it?

NO! So what’s the point of it?



Many foreigners are used to a more relaxed social environment where complete strangers can make the most absurd jokes with one another. In Germany, however, that is just not as common. Remember, jokes are reserved for their close family and friends. You’re just not there yet. So hang in there. 

Again, there are individuals who break this mould and are immediately friendly and humorous, but this is rare. 

They can still have their funny moments. You may discover that your German is into that infamous ‘Wortspiel or Wortwitze’ type of humour. In that case, may Lord help you! 

Now I personally enjoy a good pun, but let’s admit most puns are outdated or simply annoying in any language. When you come to Germany and see them around nearly everywhere, you may get a feeling that German humour is just a little outdated.

And then there’s this annual atrocity


Me watching Dinner for One for the 5th Sylvester in a row


Anyway, you have decided to overlook the German funny side for the time being. Because they’re drop-dead gorgeous after all! 😉


They are more than just a pretty face though…



6. They Take Conversations Very Seriously


Germans claim that they do not indulge in small talk. But many foreigners beg to differ.

Have you ever greeted your neighbour and asked how are they doing? In many cultures, you will just get a monosyllable response with a courteous nod and be on your way.

But your German neighbour will explain to you exactly how they are — how they’ve been sleeping poorly, that their cat pooped on the bed, or why the other neighbour’s overgrown bushes bother them.

Get ready to listen to an entire week’s worth of whining. It’s totally on YOU for asking them how are they doing. 


You will notice this during your dates as well. Ask them a general question. Be prepared to get a literal answer. They are so much into details. Not in a showy or romantic way, but they are just precise.


Well, you are totally enamoured by their nerdy explanations. You enjoy their company very much and want to see them more often – like properly date them.

How should you proceed from here? Well…



7. You Don’t Need to Play Any Mind-Games


It is admirable how straight-forward Germans are and they mean what they say. WYSIWYG, Baby!

Enough with the stupid mind games and dating rules. Romance is a simple business for Germans.


Yeah, just as simple as that!


In fact, dating isn’t really a game in Germany. Two people meet, like each other, meet some more, Snog. Shag. Rinse and repeat.

There are also no gimmicky ‘bases’ or DTR talk here. Once you start hanging out with each other, it is just taken for granted that you are in a relationship — with each other. When they are with someone, they really are with them. No need to have a serious relationship talk sitting around the table with awkward “where is this going” or “what are we” questions. 

On that note, seeing more than one person at the same time is frowned upon. It might be normal in North America, but not in Europe.

If your German SO finds out that you’ve been seeing someone else besides them, they’ll terminate your Datingvertrag ASAP without any prior notice.


And that’s like..the worst kind of contract termination in all of Germany.


But you really really like them and want a serious commitment. What happens next?


Related: Dating in Germany vs Dating in America



8. Your Relationship Will Move at a Snail’s Pace


Dating in Germany is a lot like making friends and filing an annual tax return — it takes time. And a lot of effort.

Most Germans do not rush into relationships. It might take weeks or months to get past four or five dates alone. When you date a Germany, don’t expect a whirlwind romance. They tend to be quite calculated and patient at the start of a new relationship.

You will also notice that sex isn’t always the first thing on the German mind. Many foreigners, especially women, find this very refreshing when going out with German men. Some cultures have contrived dating rules that after so and so many dates a couple should make out or bump uglies etc etc.

Not in Germany. 

How to Date germans
Finally, something that you can do without reading 137 pages long datinggenehmigungsverfahren!


You can take your time to get to know each other, and hit the sack together when the timing feels right. It could be on the first date or after 11th — No. One. Cares. 

Similarly, there are no unwritten rules about getting married. If your German SO does not pop the question after 2 or 3 or 4 years (or whatever number your native dating culture recommends), it DOES NOT mean that they don’t love you. 

Maybe they’re just not in a hurry or do not see any obvious perks of getting married. In that case, you should educate them about taxes benefits for married couples in Germany. 😉 

It’s very common for couples in Germany to stay in a relationship forever without being officially married. As long as you’re celebrating Christmas or Easter as a family or going on holidays together, you should have no reason to doubt their commitment to your relationship.


You may also like: How to marry your German boo as a foreigner in Germany


They also show their love and commitment in other ways


9. Romantic Gestures Are Different Here


Germany does not have a superficial gift-giving culture. So don’t expect to get spoilt by lavish presents just for the sake of it. Gifts in Germany are meant to be thoughtful and have real sentimental value. 

Did you ever experience something funny together with your German on a holiday? Well, now that’s an inside joke between you two. They will totally get you a present referencing to that moment. 

Or like that one time you mentioned your favourite band or musical. Your German SO might have noted that down in a mental diary and already ordered tickets for their next concert in your city.

Or they might surprise you with your dream city trip for your birthday. 



So yeah, they may not splurge on material stuff like clothing, gadgets or jewellery but they will go out of their way to show that they are attentively listening to you. Always.

That my friend is romance, German-style!

Germans are not totally unromantic. They are very considerate. You just have to ask them what you want or desire in a precise way, so they know how to accommodate you.

But when it comes to asking them what you want…


Related: Gift-giving guide for noobs in Germany


10. You Will Have to Grow Thick Skin


Fine, so things are sailing along smoothly between you and your favourite German in the world – so far. 

One fine day you made a grave mistake of asking their opinion on your new outfit/ hair colour/ that freshly cooked pot of chilli.

And they go ahead and do what Germans do — tell you exactly what they think. It is so not nice, and definitely not what you wanted to hear from your darling.

But at least it is their honest opinion and Germans prefer honesty over friendliness. 


dating german men


As the saying goes in Germany, SELBER. SCHULD! 

Never ever ask a German for feedback if you only want to hear fake nice things. 😉 They prefer to tell the bitter truth instead of sugar-coated lies. Trust me, after the first few blows of German truth bombs, you will come to favour them over superficial niceness anyway.


The other workaround is to embrace their criticism. But unfortunately for you…


Related: 45 Signs You Have Been Living in Germany For Too Long


11. They May Not Have Thick Skin


Every foreigner with a German SO can vouch for this — they can dish it, but can’t take it. Criticism, however constructive, might be too hard for them to handle and bruise their delicate ego.

So tread very very carefully, when you critique their atrocious omelette cooking (burning) skills or when they don’t fold shorts the Marie Kondo way (totally NOT speaking from personal experience here). 

That’s oddly specific


You see, German culture is all about Ordnung in every little aspect of life. Perfectionism is valued more than improvisation. There is a specific way of doing things here.

The German way = THE right way.

If you dare suggest that they did something incorrectly, you are questioning their entire delicate plane of picture-perfect existence.

A lot of foreigners notice very quickly that Germans take themselves too seriously — this is why self-deprecating humour falls flat here. They are just not raised to acknowledge their own mistakes. Admitting you are wrong is personally humiliating.

This by no means is a trait exclusive to Germans: some people just can’t apologise. But you will notice that it is way more widespread in German culture.

Few years in your relationship, you will understand that Germans are trustworthy and loyal partners, in spite of their pedantic perfectionism.

This has good and bad aspects in all situations obviously. One of which is…


guide to date a german in Germany



12. You Will Have to P.L.A.N (Your Entire Life)


Germans thrive on planning the minutest details. Their natural state is somewhere between planning and anxiousness — with no room for improvising. So they become anxious if something is not planned.

Going on a relaxing beach holiday? Forget about spontaneity or staying late in bed or doing something on the fly (because, holiday!). They will map out each and every hour of your two weeks long vacation.

Starting from the minutes required for breakfast, hours allotted for relaxing at the beach, and time spent at every museum in the city to the countdown to the dinnertime etc.



Are you two finally ready to get hitched?

Bear in mind that financial security and long term stability are supreme for Germans, sometimes even above personal relationships. So make sure that all your insurances are up to speed.

If not, your German SO may not consider you real marriage material. Marriage is basically seen as a contract that Germans think very long and hard about. 

While discussing our imminent wedding, my now fiancé nonchalantly dropped the Ehevertrag in the planning. We have not decided on this yet, but Ehevertrag or prenups are not all that uncommon in Germany. 

Caution comes over commitment. Rationality trumps romance.

Dating a German might not be the most passionate relationship of your life, but it sure will be the most solid and practical one. 😉 

Romantic relationships evolve very slowly here but also tend to be stable most of the time. Rest assured, you do not have to deal with an emotional rollercoaster all the time.


You may also like: Decoding German flirting signs 


Just don’t forget that national stereotypes are what they are. Just stereotypes.

There are Germans who may fit this blueprint up to the hilt. But there are also those who are flirty, spontaneous, with a good sense of humour to boot.

You can take everything written here at its face value. Or you can fuck this guide entirely and simply be with someone who reflects and respects you and your values.

Nationalität ist egal! 😉


how to date a german guide



So do you have a German SO? What is your experience of dating a German? Tell us your experience of German dating in the comments below!

Hi there, I am the human behind this blog. If you could not tell by my photo, I am fueled by tea. My expat journey started at the age of 19. Germany has been my home for several years. I hope you will find some helpful insights if you are considering moving to Germany or already live here.


  • Max L. Leibert

    As a german, I laughed so hard reading this – its quite true in most aspects.
    Yet the description of being on time and humor is more cliche and not meant to be taken seriously because that’s not representative at all haha

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    • Foibe Akathingo

      This is so funny and true. I have been dating s German man and life is hard for me. I like to be spoiled.

  • Maggie


    I’m an American girl (26) who has been dating a German guy (23) for a year. You’re article made me laugh. I feel like I understand him better now. He’s a spontaneous, always late, funny guy so I get what you mean about generalizations. I loved learning about the considerate tendencies and honesty. I could totally see that. One thing I’d add is the beauty of sharing culture and language with each other. I find Germans really curious and excited to learn new things. Do you have articles on meeting the family?


    • Carolyn

      I just got back from a solo European trip and I happened to meet a German living in Switzerland close to the end of my trip. We met on a train and he was lovely and talkative and was giving me information about what mountains we were looking at as we passed. We felt a very strong connection but he had to get off at the next stop. We exchanged numbers and have used WhatsApp to message each other. The bond was pretty instantaneous and we messaged constantly. I was only in the country for two more days and he invited me to his apartment. I ended up at the last second checking out of my hotel and taking two trains to his apartment. We had a wonderful night together and I left the next day. He has asked me to be ‘his girl’ which I thought was very fast but maybe he is just getting to the point much quicker than we would here in the United States. He is very matter of fact but we did share some laughs and he does have a funny sense of humor even if we don’t always get each other. I don’t have unrealistic expectations about having a relationship with a man from another country but it is fun and I’ll just see what happens as we go.

  • devil fish

    I really appreciate this wonderful post that you have provided for us. I assure this would be beneficial for most of the people.

    • Fabiola

      Now I understand why sometimes he is so serious and literal, and why this is going so slow, I’m so in love, I have tdah , I’m a hot mess, I’m scared not to be this organized person that he is looking for..
      But I’ll figth to be it

  • jojo m

    Your article is such a rare piece that tackles German stereotypes in a light-hearted and entertaining way! I love it! Made my day 🙂

    And you’d probably guessed I got here because I’m trying to figure out how Germans flirt! I’m struggling to figure out if this German lady I met at my new job is interested in me or just being friendly.

    We work closely, and she’s been really friendly since the first day we met. I didn’t give it any thoughts at first because, for me, it’s perfectly normal to be nice to a new colleague. But, one time when we were in a group conversation, I found her staring at me. I was a little surprised because I wasn’t even the one talking at that moment. In my heart I was like, “uh huh there goes the infamous German stare!” Which is funny because I’ve heard about it but never got it from any other Germans. And here I thought she was the first one to do so! So I brushed it off.

    But as time went by, I found her to be increasingly friendly to me, to the point of excessive friendliness. When she comes into the office in the morning, she would do a general greet to everyone but come say hi to me specifically. Then again, our desks are next to each other, so maybe she was just friendly, right?? BUT….She would also smile at me a lot, with a twinkle in her eyes, while holding eye contact longer than necessary. And then there’re these small but sweet gestures like bringing me coffee when I didn’t ask for it, and when I clearly still had a half-full mug of tea right in front of me that she could clearly see! Other German colleagues are friendly too, but she wins them by a mile.

    I found her staring again when in another group conversation. Again I wasn’t speaking. And the stare was intense. When we locked eyes, she didn’t look away and held the gaze. This time I felt as if a lightning hit me. I was like, “is she doing the what-I-think-it-is stare??!!! No way it can’t be… We barely know each other…” I laughed nervously, and had to break the eye contact or else I would’ve drown in those eyes! When it happened again, I got bold and we had a staring match. I won and she looked away expressionless. Usually I find it pretty easy to read people’s I-really-like-you stares, but she was expressionless. As if she was trying to read ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs on my face! What does it mean?!! I don’t get it haha…

    And about personal space! I thought Germans LOVE their personal space. But she would get quite close to me when we’re talking. One time, she stood so close next to me, I could feel her breath on my cheeks. I was mostly concentrating on something ahead of me she was explaining about but did turn around to look at her once in a while. We stayed like that for a minute or so before she stepped back first. Only god knows I was on the verge of fainting!That was the closest distance I’ve ever been in contact with someone who I’m not close with. Heck! I couldn’t even get that close with my cats!

    Oh, she’s mentioned VERY CASUALLY that we should plan some outings together. She said it so fast I wouldn’t have heard her if I wasn’t concentrating… I said yes of course I’d love to, but she has not said anything since. So I don’t know… People say Germans take their words seriously so I’m just waiting to see what happens. I don’t want to be rash and ask her out instead, because I really could not tell if she’s just being very friendly or…… And we barely know each other beyond a few nice conversations that’s not about work. And she doesn’t text. Didn’t even reply when I texted to ask if she was okay when she was sick. Though she did eventually call to say she’s fine and we had a quick chat. I thought that was odd but I’m happy she responded either way… But that means I haven’t breached the I-can-text-you-anytime-&-not-talk-about-work barrier. So yes, I haven’t the guts to ask her out 🙁

    There you go! If you say Germans can’t flirt or are not friendly, I don’t know if I can vouch for that. This lady is clearly doing it right… Haha… Because I think I’m starting to fall head over heals for her, and am dying inside! If she would just ask me out, she would have gotten herself a girlfriend faster than The Flash can save the world.

    • Zeeon

      Oh my god I had the same stare-off experience but with a guy in a group hangout where the rest of our group was walking ahead of us. Can’t remember if he was expressionless but the main thing was each stare lasted 5-12 seconds ; His on & off staring happened when I was enjoying the silence. I thought he turned to look at me as if he was about to say something….. But he did not. All he did was STAREE and he didn’t look embarassed or shameful when I looked back as a indication that I “caught him” looking. I stared back at thinking I could dominate the stare game – But I lost because I have a habit of looking at the path I’m walking on. It happened 5 times in total.

      I asked him if he liked me romantically and he said he likes me as a friend and nothing more

      I really need someone to interpret this staring thing they have. I need answers!!! xD

      How is this not a sign of attraction?

      I also wonder if this hapens around the world? I’m from N.Zealand and this does not happen on a daily basis. You only look at someone like that when you take an interest on them.

    • Arne

      Oh, girl, I am German and you definitely need to ask her out. These are so many signals, she is prob getting insane herself and feels embarrassed or even rejected.

      She is just not taking the first step, because she maybe can’t interpret your signals or is just shy. Pleaseeee ask her out!!!

    • argo

      Hi there – my Tipp for you: suggest a nice outing trip to her and ask if she would be interested in coming along. It would be improtant to get to know esch other outside of work. If youvwant things to move along that is.

  • Rachel

    I dated a German for 3 years. He never apologized when he was completely wrong. Was not a Gentleman at all. He begged me to move in with him at the paid off house he owned, so I bought a car and drove 90 min each day to/from work, paid gas, insurance, maintenance. he charged me rent like a landlord. I was already happy living next to my job and friends. Walking to work or taking a bus.

    I was carrying 2 gallons of water from my car and he asked if I want him to take one. He would never think to carry both. I would take his car 3 minutes away to get groceries then fill the tank before I brought it back. I thought he would like that and he loved it. But I asked him once to pay my cellular bill €10 and he flipped out about having to “pay my bills”. That was after I spent over 300€ on tank fills for him that year. It was like he was a little brother who just takes and takes…..then he broke up with me because I deployed and he needs someone who will always be with him everyday. 2 months later when he didn’t find someone better, he crawled back and said ge made a mistake. Almost an apology. I did not take him back.
    2 stars. Would not recommend

    • argo

      W ell that sounds like a coward. Unclear why youbput up with this for so long. I think this type of cowardness is to be foubd worldwide.

  • Psychologia

    This is a attention-grabbing article by the way. I am going to go ahead and bookmark this article for my sis to check out later on tomorrow. Keep up the superior work.

  • Blinzebiene

    Hi Yamini,
    I am a German Girl, but I have to say that you hit the head of the nail with that article,
    it really made me laugh. Most of those things are so true (they go either way, girls are like that, too, not just guys)
    I have to sent it to some of my foreign friends, so they know how to deal with me.

  • พนันออนไลน์

    I’m very happy to discover this website. I want to to thank you for ones time for this particularly fantastic read!!
    I definitely savored every part of it and I have you book-marked to look at new things in your site.

  • vin

    Very funny and interesting experience or assessment.

    However, it is important to me to say that not all German men are like that. There are also the romantic, soulful, genuinely chivalrous men who nevertheless accept the equality of women and can still be “badass”. I mean the real men 😉

    I wish you all the best of luck in finding your happiness – no matter where in the world it will be.


    PS: sorry for my bad english <3

    • Wendy

      I’m relieved to hear that. It was getting depressing to read how dating is in Germany. Not at all the highly independent woman, I love chivalrous men!

  • janetqq

    Thanks for this, I have 3 dates with a German guy over the past month. He wanted to have sex every time and finished the dinner so quickly and asked to go to my place. I feel weird and think he may just want to have sex. He said no and want to see if we can develop further. However, he just ask me out once every two weeks and give me short texts once few days. I know he works super busy, but in this case, do you think he is serious?

    • Peter

      As a german man your comment made me laugh. No disrespect though. You really should ask him or just make clear to him that you want to wait some more to time to have sex. You dont need to specify at all. If he sticks around you know he also likes you. But man also know that these kind of tests exist. So just try and find out! Cheers.

  • Gelar

    Thanks for the your precise explanation. The text was really helpful for me not only for dating, but also for understanding the difference between my mentality as foriner and a German mentality. I dated with my German language teacher for while. I assumed that some of his behaviors ( you named some of them) were disrespectful but after reading your Artikel. I think that was just cultral difference. unfortunately I have no more Kontakt with him . But I learned a lot of your Text for future 😉 thanks

    • Yamini

      Hi Gelar, So nice to hear your thoughts. Culture differences can make things really complicated somethings. Thank you for sharing your experience and kind words 🙂

    • Domi

      Nice artikel! I’ve been 3 months in relationship with a German. From the beginnig we decided to be brutally honest to each other and I love it. Things got pretty serious from the beginning, we were in relationship from the first date and we spend a lot of time together. When we don’t see each other, we text a lot! He introduced me to his friends and family. There are two things, which makes me a bit worried: he has got female friends, is it normal? 😀 Second is, he told me that he wants to be on Christmas in another city with his mother and he will visit me afterwards. I feel betrayed that he didn’t invite me, too! I also told him that it offended me! Then he invited me, but i don’t want it in this way! I thought that I belong to his family, too. Should I step back?

      • Joschka

        As a German man myself, I wouldn’t be worried about either point you mentioned.
        Having female friends is an essential part of treating men and women equally. You are friends with the person and not the gender. Cheating is considered unworthy behaviour anyway. If he want’s to have an open relationship he will probably tell you (happens a lot actually).
        I don’t know where you are from, but christmas is a very serious, closed event in German culture; very important between partents and children. Probably he thinks it is strange that you don’t spend it with your parents. A German will only invite you for christmas if he likes/trustes you AND you are completely alone and have no family (the thought of someone spending christmas alone is very sadening for a German).
        My girlfriend and I are spending christmas separately every year, for example. It changes when you have children: Then you will become the family and spend christmas together as parents with your child(ren).

        • Hels

          I have been in a 18 month relationship with a German man, I have family and a son etc but spent last xmas in Germany with him, and plan to do the same this year. He is the one with no family, and I couldn’t bear the thought of him spending it alone. I am German descent, 1st of my generation to be born outside of Germany. We used to talk on the phone every day for the first 6 months, then work started to come in more regularly and now he just works a lot. He has 3 different kind of jobs in 2 different industries. We talk once week now but text in between. Yes he is different to Australian men, and I like that. Mine has a lot of female friends but I have a lot of male friends, so no difference. He is in no hurry although considering he’s 52 and I’m 61 we don’t have forever, but it is what it is. I am totally faithful, I also see that as a flaw not to be, and as far as I know he is too, I don’t know where he would find the time anyway and I have offered but he said no, which I’m actually glad about, but it’s long distance so you have to make exceptions sometimes. lol

  • Amaris

    Thank you for this. I have been talking to a German man, long distance for two years now. I have felt that he’s been wasting my time. However, my eyes have been open to major cultural differences. It’s all sinking in now… he’s just being German. Loved reading this. Thank you!

  • Rose

    I met a German, we dated twice and then he went back to Germany. We’ve been texting since then. I don’t know what we are haha. He’s very sarcastic and he’s said “just let things flow and no rush” so your blog is quite accurate!

      • MNA

        Hi Yamini! Thank you for this insightful post with no annoying ads!
        I’m about to go on my third date tomorrow with a german guy I really like so far. Just with the previous dates”Erfahrung” I already gathered with him, I found so many similarities with your text, that it reassured me a lot we’re on the right track ! So thank you for helping a sarcastic french girl to be reminded to enjoy this long “kennenlernen” process I’m only beginning to enter and not to be too impatient 😉 Nice to know it works with dating kind of the same as building any kind of relationship with germans: [time+dran bleiben=trust]
        I didn’t know your blog before this article but I’m sure I’ll enjoy browsing through more posts in the future and support your work!

        • Yamini

          Hey MNA, Thank you so much for your kind comments. And so nice to read about your experience. It’s funny how interesting intercultural dating can get for both people. Now I wonder if your German date is somewhere reading ‘how to date a french girl’ article 😀 Enjoy your date tomorrow! <3

  • Arturo García

    Hello Yamini, it was so nice to read your words, I think you are pretty accurate. I have a long-distance relationship with a German, I am from Mexico, we have been together for two years. I agree with you in almost every point, they are so direct, shy, they take a lot of time to build trust, they like to plan everything and yes they don’t easily accept criticism. But with a lot of time and patience they open their hearts, they also have good humor, they are sensible, romantic and so reliable. I would add they don’t usually like to get out of their comfort zone. They have a bit of fear to change and to open their full hearts. But they are lovely.

  • Gabriela

    I met my German in Miami ??? we’ve quarantine together for over 2 months and now we r so in love!! I’m Latin so I have enough fire for both of us ?? Finally I found my perfect opposite (because I’m SO NOT German)… I’m “THE walking emotional roller”. DANKBAR mi amor ?

    • Ines Tanner

      Good to hear! I’m in Miami and I’ve been chatting with a German man. We go on our first date today and I’m nervous after reading this blog! I’m Latina too, so I see hope after reading your remarks! Thanks!

    • Adrienne

      So ive just recently started meeting up with a German guy i met online and im already confused. Any help would greatly help!
      1. We met online about a month ago and text back and forth for a week and all seemed to go well.
      We had an online video at his request and it also went well i thought.
      2. I text him afterward to thank him n said i would be open to getting to know him, And he responded it would be great to know me too.
      3. So we planned our first meet and exchanged numbers n met and i thought it went well.
      He bought my drink, planned the date, we asked questions, he stared at me a lot lol
      After a couple hours, he asked if i wanted to stay longer. I said yes. We left when the bar shut down, he walked me to my car, and gave me a long hug. I’ve never had this long a hug from a man. Lol
      He didn’t check to see if i got home though.. strange…
      The next morning he text to say he had a great time and would love to meet again. I agreed. Then a couple days later he text to set up the date for the weekend and then on Saturday he text to confirm our time meeting that night. We met again Saturday night and i think it went ok. I stayed a little quiet to see what he would say bc i thought i talked more the first time.
      I could tell he was struggling a bit to find questions, but we walked, talked, laughed, went to a bar, had a drink. He stared a lot this time too but a couple times i felt like he may have been bored because he was so quiet. When our drinks were done, i asked if he wanted to stay And he said we could stay so we did. At the end of the night, he paid again, walked me to my car, and put his hand on my back a lot as we were walking… it was so cute! Then, again!, he just gave me a loooong hug.. longer than the first time. I was a bit tipsy so i asked him if he wanted to see me again. He looked a bit shocked but he said of course. So i said something a bit awkward like,” ok, so I’ll go home and wait for you to call me then,” lol i can’t believe i said that but i was so frustrated by his silence. It felt like he was bored so i was confused… but i said it sweetly, not rude or with attitude. Plus, I’m used to a man contacting me.. I’m abit of a traditional American, but still a modern feminist too. Anyways, he hasn’t contacted me yet and it’s been 4 days. i really enjoyed getting to know him. All of our texts back and forth, which were not too many, all said we enjoyed each other. He was like clockwork texting every two days. Did i do something? Should i contact him? What do i say… I’m not even used to reaching out to men. I don’t want to be pushy if he’s not interested. I just thought he was interested since he kept hugging me, paying for me, texting me that he was interested and had a good night. What happened!

      Help! And thank you

  • Carley

    Been with my German for three years and this made me laugh out loud because it’s all SO true! I lived there for a year and half so far and these rules apply to almost everyone I grew to know as well. “Stereotypes are what they are” and they are there for good reason! ??‍♀️?

      • Reena lim


        Met my German guy in Kuala Lumpur last year August 2019, HE invited me to go for dinner and see me . but that time I was in my country. So we arrange for meet up date he booked my room and arrange for our dinner but sad to say my flight was delayed but he still waited for me for 5 hours and voila it was perfect. After that date we lost contact, and this year last valentine day he contacted me and inviting me to meet up again. And since February 14 ,2020 we are always in touch . But sad to say we didn’t meet up due of corana virus. But sometimes I doubt him as it take times for him to answer when we message each other, that annoy me. That the thing that I have to search how to date a German guy… and so thankful to read your site. Very helpful

        Thanks and best regards

        • Yamini

          Hey Reena, Thanks for being here 🙂 Your story sounds so cute! BTW, message delays can also be because of different time zones, so I’d not worry about it much. I’m so glad you found this post enjoyable 🙂

    • Sury Mukherjee

      Personally speaking dating is not following the dictates of do’s and dont’ ,not following nationally ethnic stodgy accepted norm of pragmatism but cluelessly unplanned freestyle dancing of sunny spontaneity that will embolden me to dance in the rain or venture in to the dark side of the derelict corner holding the hand of an willing partner. All I care is what I want and not what is expected of me.

  • Alexis

    Really enjoyed reading this information on dating a German.
    Is it normal for the men to be quit distant in the beginning? Not contacting you regularly for small talk & communication?
    We’ve had several long conversations via phone (spaced far apart) and two dates, also spaced far apart. I text him occasionally, he responds.. not into regular communication.
    We had our last date 2 weeks ago, I texted him the following day saying “Thank You” had a lovely time. He responded back after work saying, I also had a lovely time, let’s reconnect soon. Corona Virus hit and I haven’t heard from him ?
    He’s a workaholic juggling 3 businesses.
    Your advice would be greatly appreciated

    • Lily Ng

      Thanks a lot for your post! I’m from SEA and have a German manager , and this is the headache thing that I need your advice 
      I met him in the conference which I have never known that he was my boss of boss of boss on that day (because I didn’t work directly with him). After my boss introduced him, so I were a bit surprised because he looked young (he is 36) and so fit! That day I sat next to him (I just randomly chose seat) and we talked a lot! Both of us are good humor so we laughed a lot and on 2nd days, he invited me to a dinner with him and we kept in touch till now for a year (without any colleagues knew)

      ‌On the night we had dinner, he told me a lot about himself and his hobbies and he confessed that he has gf bla.. Bla.. After that, we kept in touch by sending long messages evey week as a friend, no more no less

      Until recently, suddenly he asked about my relationship status and he told me he was taking a break with his gf. Start from that day, he texted me every day, told me lot of things even a secret things from him and all the shame memories he had. He filmed his apartment, sent me so many pictures about his childhood, his parent house, his apartment, voice messages,teach me German EVERYDAY, asked me how I felt every day , how my dream was, and asked me lot of personal things (like if I stay over night with a man because he heard that my country is conservative lolzz)

      So this is the question I want to ask: Is he just bored and talking to me as a “replacement ” while he is taking a break with his gf? Is it normal when German guys share with you many private things in his life ? What does he wants from our friendship? Does he want to make a further step? I’m so confused because now is corona virus lock down, I think maybe he works from home and feel bored just want to find someone to talk. If he does, so why he had to spend time to recorded many self video sent me?

      Thank you in advance and look forward to hearing from you 

  • Jenny

    I have been married to one for the past 12 years and all I can do is want to scream “YES!!!” from the rooftops for every single point you mentioned! Ich gebe Dir eine Note 1 für deine Arbeit 😉

      • Delenn Schmidt

        In general a really funny and accurate view, even though as a german woman I really can’t relate to some points. Most Germans are pretty funny and love humour. And we still feel flattered when a guy acts like a gentleman. But yeah, straight forward flirting, especially out of the blue, is really creepy and not really a thing here.

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