DEmystified: Making Friends in Germany

Published on July 11th, 2025  |  Last updated on July 14th, 2025

Despite what you may have been told, it’s not impossible to make friends in Germany. It’s just a less spontaneous emotional connection, and more like a project with quarterly milestones.

Germans aren’t known for random chitchat or smiling at strangers in public. So if you’re used to small talk about the weather on public transport, prepare for a lecture on meteorological patterns or, in the worst case, the infamous German stare.

Here’s my sarcastic but practical step-by-step guide to making friends in Germany. And hey, it only took me over a decade’s worth of living in Germany to learn it. 😉

Step 1: Learn German… But Also, Get a Life

You’ll often hear the one-size-fits-nobody tip: “If you want to make friends in Germany, just learn German!”

Oh, how simple, right? Let’s crack open a few grammar books, master der, die, das, and boom! Instant social life.

Except… not quite.

It’s well‑meaning advice, but far from sufficient in reality and quite frankly, so overused it deserves a pension.

While learning German is undeniably helpful (you’ll need it to decipher rental contracts, navigate bureaucracy, understand why your neighbour is furious with you again, and to survive heated discussions about bread), it’s not a magic spell.

In fact, plenty of migrants speak fluent German, drop perfect Konjunktiv II in conversations, and still find themselves standing alone at parties next to the snack table, wondering what went wrong. Or in the worst case, they never get invited to parties by the locals at all.

That’s because, when it comes to socialising, Germans don’t just leap into friendship simply because you pronounce Rinderkennzeichnungsgesetz correctly. They want someone who shares their interests. They bond over hobbies. Interests. Rituals involving special shoes or expensive equipment. If you don’t have anything in common, no shared activity, no structured reason to see each other weekly, well, tough! There’s nothing to build on.

So, become an interesting person, and suddenly, you’re not just “the foreigner who speaks fluent German”. You’re “the foreigner who bakes a mean sourdough, plays handball, and once rescued a bee colony.” Now you’re someone worth inviting to the Grillabend.

So, learn German, sure. But also learn to juggle, knit woollen cats, or brew suspiciously strong herbal teas. A good language foundation lets you join conversations, but shared interests give you something actually to talk about.

Step 2. Get a Hobby (Or Two, Or Three)

In Germany, a hobby isn’t just a way to pass time. It’s practically a civic duty. Germans don’t do the “hanging out for the sake of it” thing. Socialising here comes with routine, purpose, and often a safety helmet.

Ask a German what they do outside of work, and they won’t mumble “um, Netflix?” while avoiding eye contact. Oh no. They’ll list at least three very niche hobbies, each involving technical gear, weekly meet-ups, and a secret handshake.

Getting a hobby is your golden ticket into German social life. It’s how adults here make friends without the beer-lubricated over-sharing or being stuck in the same office cubicle for years.

Now, you might think your casual interest in knitting counts, but Achtung! This is not a drill! Your German peers will have completed multiple courses, read academic literature on knitting, and possibly joined a Verein around it.

So if you don’t already have a hobby, get one. Or better yet, two. Go all‑in. Whether it’s bouldering, baking, or birdwatching with military-grade binoculars, just give it your full comedic commitment. And before you know it, you’ll be a part of a team with equipment, jargon, and project plans.

Now that we’ve established that Germans bond over shared hobbies, let’s discuss Vereine (hobby clubs).

Step 3: Have a Hobby? Join a Verein!

Ah, the Verein! Germany’s answer to every existential question, hobby dilemma, or social need you never knew you had. Germans love Vereine. Vereine are the social glue, the bedrock of German community life.

Vereine is where the magic happens.

Vereine are hyper-organised, rule-bound hobby clubs dedicated to everything from hiking to hedgehog conservation. They provide structure, routine, and an excuse to wear matching outfits in public. Through them, Germans form bonds through shared effort, regular attendance, and an alarming amount of spreadsheets.

No matter how niche a hobby, Germany has a Verein for it. Fancy knitting sweaters for squirrels? There’s a Verein. Passionate about medieval swordplay in full armour? There’s a Verein. Want to stage a jousting tournament for squirrels in armour? Probably a Verein for that, too.

Fancy joining a Verein? Wunderbar! First, you’ll need to fill out a seven-page application, pay a membership fee, and then swear fealty to its long-ruling figureheads who haven’t practised the activity in decades, but still hold all the power and strut the regalia.

Once you’re accepted, you’ll be expected to attend committee meetings where the minutes are longer than novels. You may notice that the Germans in your Verein may seem distant at first, but don’t worry. They’re just patiently waiting for you to pass the unspoken three-month probation period. Attend every meeting, remember the rules, and bring cake when asked. Eventually, you’ll be invited to the annual summer grillfest. And that’s when you’ll know you’ve made it.

It’s less “just pop along and see if you like it” and more “prove your worth and demonstrate commitment over the next fiscal year.” But once you’re in, you’re in. Verein members support each other with the intensity usually reserved for cults or FIFA World Cup watch parties.

Stick at it. Show up. Speak German (no matter how bad). Be committed, occasionally eccentric. Because in Germany, to make friends is not just to find interesting people, it’s to become one.

Too soon to make a lifelong commitment to a hobby? Well, there are other ways to make friends in Germany.

Step 4. Volunteer in Germany (and Pretend It’s About Helping)

Germans respect structure and duty. So, join a local initiative as a volunteer. Invite yourself to animal shelters, elderly home concerts, language cafés, or local fairs and take things very seriously.

Volunteering is a brilliant way to meet Germans in the wild, and nothing bonds people faster than passive-aggressively arguing over how to stack chairs after a charity bake sale.

Volunteering in Germany gives you purpose, social points, and it shows locals two things: 1) you care about the community, and 2) you’re willing to stack chairs for hours without complaint.

You’ll be around people who actually want to talk to you, which is half the battle won. Plus, you get to bond with others over shared tasks, over-engineered logistics, and awkward post-event biergarten gatherings. Just mention “I was in the chair-stacking crew” and watch them nod in admiration.

You can’t go wrong with getting to feel morally superior while making new mates. Win-win.

Step 5. Attend a Stammtisch (But Don’t Call It Pub Night)

A Stammtisch is the German answer to the British pub quiz—except instead of trivia, there are debates, unresolved tension, and a laminated attendance list.

It is an open-invite, recurring community where making friends as an expat in Germany becomes less of a slog and more of a scheduled event.

Attendees are people who like talking about the same topic every single week, indefinitely. This could be politics, poetry, or people who want to learn Fränkish for beginners.

A Stammtisch operates under unspoken rules, usually involving punctuality and not interrupting Karl when he’s mid-rant. But after showing up four times, you’ll be on nodding terms with Helga the board‑game researcher or Dieter the vintage‑train aficionado.

And if you contribute to the discussion even once in a while, you’ll find your place. Germans tend to avoid small talk with strangers, but engage in a passive-aggressive debate with them, and voilà: you’re trauma-bonded for life.

Eventually, you’ll even be trusted to reserve the table one day. A great honour.

Step 6. Become a Regular Somewhere (Glacial-paced Friendships)

This is classic and underrated!

Pick a café, bakery, or even the local Wochenmarkt stall. Becoming a regular in Germany is a slow but surefire route to social interaction. Germans don’t typically do casual banter with strangers, but if you show up regularly, on time, and order the same pastry or coffee without causing a fuss, eventually someone will nod at you. Over time, staff and locals will start noticing. You’ll graduate from “Ein freundlicher Ausländer” to “the one who brings their cloth bag to the supermarket and knows which Brötchen to buy on a Sunday.”

Then one day, years from now, you’ll be addressed by name. Congratulations! You’re no longer invisible. You’re an acceptable part of the landscape.

Step 7. Don’t Just Integrate. Participate…

…proactively.

The secret sauce to making friends in Germany isn’t just language competency, or outward charm, or smiling at strangers (please don’t do that!).

Participation beats integration.

Integration is passive: You’ve been given a seat at the table, at the far end, politely out of the main conversation. Participation is active. You’re passing the dishes, leading the toast, and setting the agenda.

It’s showing up, finding shared interests, and being a part of something bigger than yourself. Be the person who joins, helps, organises, occasionally brings cake and guards the sausage station at the Grillfest. That’s the stuff German friendships are made of.

Committees, lists, and forms are not annoyances; they’re entry tickets. Sometimes you might feel like you’re trying to befriend a brick wall with a doctoral degree. But once you break through, the loyalty runs deep.

This is how you actually make friends in Germany: through shared purpose, camaraderie, and deeply bureaucratic group structures.

It’s wonderfully German and oddly endearing.

Step 8: Accept That Finding Friends in Germany Is Like German Bread: Slow-Baked Affair

Here’s the truth: making friends in Germany isn’t fast. Despite living in the era of instant chat and dating apps, German friendships don’t work like that. You can’t just swipe right on someone’s personality. You’re not going to bond with someone over a shared hatred of Deutsche Bahn after one conversation either.

German friendships develop like their infamous breads: slowly, deliberately, and with occasional strange smells, but hearty and satisfying once fully baked.

Friendships here are lived in acts, not words. These are the friends who’ll help you move house with military precision, build your IKEA furniture without passive-aggression, watch your recycling habits like hawks, correct your grammar, and schedule hangouts six weeks in advance.

They will not, however, cancel plans last minute, ghost you, or forget your birthday. So hang in there, keep showing up, and eventually, you’ll look around and realise—you’ve got your people.

And because I’m so Germanised, I couldn’t help but create a table about how to make friends in Germany. So here goes…